TopTrumps

Neil "Bongo Billy" Sharp

Jokes about crayons aside Neil Sharp is a top notch graphics designer who join UCL in 2005. He has put alot of time into helping the club with beginners and also the media side including flag and logo design. He is the current carer of the newbies making sure they don't poke too many eyes out. He has started fighting in Nito (two swords) and has bashed and crashed his way to being a key part of UCL Kendo Club.

Stats

  • SIZE: 7
  • POWER: 6
  • STAMINA: 6.5
  • TECHNIQUE: 5
  • SPEED: 4
  • YEARS TRAINED: 5
  • UCL FACTOR: 8

Current Status

ActiveDuty

Tall Tales

  • Neil's Kendo Wet Dream

Special Abilities

  • Drawing shit with wax crayons. But only orange.
  • Playing the drums like Animal from Sesame Street.
  • I bought this book, but I can't read it, so I'm learning from the pictures.....

Weaknesses

  • Been fired 3 times for letting his crayons melt in the sun

Awards

  • Most unscored points scored in one shiai, 8.
  • Mots menuchi in ha jigeiko, 27.

Quotes

  • I shall call them Slap and Tickle. This ones Tickle.
  • I asked some questions at the start of the day to make it look like I was alert and interested, then slept for the remainder.
  • Who is Psychic Sarah? And where did I get this picture from?
  • I've got a boil in my ear
  • Can someone remove that from the website because if she sees it I'm in trouble!
  • That wasn't a shit, it was the chemical toilet
  • She just picked up the first ugly bloke that she found off the plane. Great tits though.
  • Ginge will scare the korean with his skid mark bougu
  • Oh, eggy bread! And I was wondering what to have for dinner tonight
  • I feel as rough as a badger's arse
  • I have my skirt thing and that blue donkey jacket that we tuck in to the skirt.
  • He'll be too busy trying to ram the shoto up your arse
  • I once went out with a girl who tugged it so hard she tore my banjo string
  • He stood there reading the book for 10 minutes with no trousers on
  • He'd come out smelling of nut sack and baby lotion
  • Calm down dear, its only budo
  • "Drumming solo"...That’s gonna be my new euphemism for wank!
  • Where is my saque magique?
  • It's brilliant, we are making children fight for our amusement
  • Aww bless her that little sausage!
  • Ant: Ooooh new glasses, can I try them on? Neil: Can I try on your boxers?
  • Person A:Have you read the book of the five rings? Neil: No, but I watched Toy Story 2 last night.
  • It was the loudest arse fumikomi I've ever heard
  • It's the big dyke who's fingering a little asian girl